The Feeling of Being Replaced

The worst feeling through all of this, is the feeling of being replaced. Five months ago I was dumped. I feel like crawling into a ball as I type this down to share with you. I can easily just keep it inside and wait for it to go away. But for me it’s always been easier to let go of the pain by expressing it either through writing or photography. I been going back and forth contemplating if I should share this on my blog. Thinking ” what if he reads this and disagrees?’ “What if I am saying things that weren’t actually happening, what if my gut feeling wasn’t actually right?” What fucking if!?

Well now. five months later I say, fuck the ‘What If’s’ This is how I felt and your gut feeling was pinching every inch of your body trying to alert you and have you listen to what was really going on. You were right at feeling and thinking the way you did. Even if you questioned him. Do you really think he’d admit to it? The chance of that happening is slim. And i’m not saying that he was a bad person. He is charming but something changed at the end.  When he spoke about her one night.

I didn’t think anything of it until one month later I find out they’re a couple. I immediately feel like what we had meant nothing to him. I feel like I meant nothing to him. I wonder how he can start a brand new bond with someone so quickly, while i’m here left to pick up the pieces. Then the resentment towards her new girlfriend takes over. I start to blame her for letting it happen even though I know it was really him I should be hurt by. You hope that they come back, so you can either take them back and start new or so you could get satisfaction in telling them off. You begin to do and think all the wrong things.

Five months later, I realize he wasn’t the perfect one for me because his love was not strong enough to hold my hand. It took just one person to break the strong bond I thought we shared and I guess that says a lot. The best feeling is when you can honestly say you were the best thing your ex ever had and it is a shame they let you go. I’m no longer angered. I am starting to recognize that I can give my love to someone more deserving. Despite what that person did to me, they did teach me something. I am getting to the point where I have come to terms that this is for the best.

“There’s no need to be angry, it’s okay to be sad
I just have to trust there’s something better for me out there
Swirling around in the universe
Someone who will believe in themselves as much as I do
And never take a wish for granted and always count the stars
you can’t start a fire in the pouring rain” – Tristan Prettyman

The things I learned
1.  I learned that I can be as happy on my own as I am in a relationship, if not more so.
2. I learned that I could be a good listener. Experiencing this type of breakup led me to help others with relationship issues.
3. I learned that I can’t sit around and be upset and bitter. It is not worth it and only sets back my progress to finding a new and exciting relationship.
4.  it is not the end of the world

Stay close to your friends and family. Do not bottle things up. Talk about what bothers you to them because that’s what they are for.  Even if you deserve some explanations from your ex, don’t expect to get it.  You deserve the best and let someone special give that to you. It makes healing a lot easier if you forgive them.

It takes a relationship gone sour to make you appreciate and understand an amazing one.

I’d like to hear from your experiences. comment below

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3 Comments

  1. Yali

    Hi, April!
    I’m sorry about your breakup and what you had to go through. I admire the courage you had to tell your story the way you feel it. Forget what everybody else thinks!
    Live give us many, many chances of learning and getting to know ourselves in order to be better individuals and not make the same mistakes again. Look at that experience as just that, an experience.
    Feel happy that you had the chance to give love and feel love… if just for a moment. Is better to live a short live knowing what love is than a long live having no clue!
    Lastly, give thanks to the universe that an obstacle to be happy was removed from your path, now you can see more clearly, don’t you?
    I don’t know you personally, but I know you are a kind and good hearted woman and you will find The One. Believe me, heartache is just a part of the process.
    Be well,
    Yali

    1. foodenmybelly

      Yali. Youre words are soothing. thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment. It’s really good to hear other opinions about this post. and also thank your for your advice. I’m assuming he did read this post. He contacted me wanting to talk. But i just cant meet him right now. I made so much progress. even though im a still heartbroken. I can’t find the courage to see it at the moment

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